Here I am

holed up in the study my cousin's too-big-of-a-house on the second day of the Chinese New Year, doing work.
I bet everyone else is out and about,
happily getting their butts and pockets heavy.

But its OK!
-smiling as brightly as the crazy hot sun outside-

At least I'm enjoying the aircon.

When I stepped into an NTUC in Bedok the other day, I thought my eyes were bleeding. And that, I knew, meant that CNY doesn't go down well with me anymore. Perhaps for the most part it is because of certain acronyms like MRM, MM, FW, TVPRO and ADV.

Oh, woe is me - slave to acronyms, I be!

(Sorry I've been full of rubbish recently. More than there ever was, that is.)

I'm so looking forward to starting my attachment!! :D


The paternal reunion dinner was a teeeny bit of a scare (read: bumping into Z. Soh and no he is not my relative. We happened to be at the same place, at the same time, eating the same stuff).

The maternal reunion dinner was pretty much enjoyable (though I realised that I'm very tired of eating steamboats), especially that this year's dinner included a nice time of singspiration and games.

I've been experiencing this certain heart-warming-runny-nice-happy-feeling very often. Little things - just tiny little things - and my heart smiles. Oh no. I think I'm becoming too emotional. Yikes.

Did you know that I used to think that crying is a sign of weakness? I never cried more than 10 times for as long as I can remember. Anyway, I still hate to cry. It makes my nose red and blocked. I'll never let myself cry over any guy or anything not worth the tears.

Maybe I should just start playing emotivepunkrawk and crouch behind an amp.

(Imma gonna be a nerd. )

Have fun, you guys.

tChange

Tell me - is this any good?
Perhaps change is inevitable.

But what hurts the most is when I see the change
and know that it is doing no help at all.

Can't you be who you were before?
Can't you just admit to your insecurities?
Can't you see that you're still lying to yourself?

Why do I still care?
With open arms, I know I still would,
though the world tells me I shouldn't.
Oh bother.


P.S. I ran into dear ol' Ziggy Soh at my paternal reunion dinner just. Its scary how I always bump into him at places where there's ...food. At least he says that I'm not fat. Yet.

Jam

Had a nice dinner of Fish 'n' Chips at Fisherman's Wharf.
I took chips, Adam and Bonk did fries.
(Golly me, the chips looked like fries and the fries like chips.)

Took a different studio today. Don't really like the little window at the door -
all the curious faces peering into the room where yours truly sits high up on the stage and making a bit of an uncontrollable war - quite annoying.

The room rate was cheaper, and the drums were quite nice to play on (though less complicated a set-up, sneaking my way through trying the double-pedalings). The bass amp was facing away from me and at certain times I felt the songs were a bit empty,
so I whacked the crashes more and rendered myself partially deaf at the same time.
Chipped a bit of big toenail and bruised my right wrist. Blehh Stupid ride cymbal.
Ugh, timing was quite off too.

Hmm. Realised that I'm getting into the habit of adding too much ghost notes into my playing.
Shucks, I want the groove!

These only mean one thing: PRACTISE!!

I think this post is written in a really weird fashion. There's going to be a lot of grammatical errors and even though the sub-editor bug in me screams for a proof-read... Aiyah,
never mind lah, my head is spinning already. SO TIRED. I'll make tomorrow's free morning a fufilling one.

perk

The Lim family cordially announces the production of yet
another wham-bang-thank-you-ma'am-er:

The little miss of the family.

Took her on a little drilling session this evening after her announcement
("I couldn't blow a tune on the flute! They asked me to try something else okay...
Percussion only took in 8 people lehhh...") and I think she does have the potential.

The Mom's not exactly looking forward to not one but TWO stick-wielders in the family, but this may mean that, that, that -

WE CAN FALL OVER OURSELVES BEGGING FOR A DRUMSET. :D

(I did secretly hope that she would've picked up a different instrument so that I could learn from her and add one to my little inventory of Trades: Master of none.)

My little sis... She's such an easygoing, happy little girl that sometimes I worry when she takes things a tad too easily. Perhaps being misunderstood may mean nothing to her ("don't care lah!"), but I can't help but worry of her own safety. Oh well, she's gotta learn I guess.

I should just stop worrying about all the youths, should I? It's really a burden which I somehow seem to find adding onto my shoulders. Not that I'm complaining, but my prayer lists are seriously increasing by the foot. Prayers have become an almost-hourly affaire and I find my brain floating to dreamland before I could go through half the people I want to pray for.

But I'm always thankful to be put in such a position that I can share and pray for those dear to my heart. Fret less, pray more!

P.S. French just grows on you. So does Feature Subbing.
P.P.S. No, I'm not kidding.


edit:

Miss the POWER RANGERS?? Watch this.

It makes me red-faced thinking how much I enjoyed the show and in particular a certain colour I'm embarrassed to admit to liking. GO PTERODACTYL!!

'hem, 'hem.

Dear Roxanne,

Even though I hardly know you, I'm sorry that I couldn't talk to you
as much as I would have liked to tonight (never seen a guy this talkative before..Heh!).

Anyway, I was touched and encouraged by your faith in God after reading your blog.

Things are definitely going to be very different from now,
and I pray that you will stay strong in Him and through this,
He will shape you and give you strength to support your family.

It is also my prayer that you'll take comfort in the knowledge that your dad is in a beautiful place where there's no suffering and pain (Revelation 21), and that you'll continue to accept God's will into your life. Do have faith - like how Job did.


I'll be keeping you and your family in my prayers...
Take care.


"Naked I came from my mother's womb,
and naked I will depart.
The LORD gave and the LORD has taken away;
may the name of the LORD be praised." - Job 1:21

good morrow

Nothing feels better than accomplishing things
that I set my heart to do.
I'm one hyperactive kid, if you still didn't realise that.
My mind is almost always constantly jumping from one thought to another,
and it takes a whole lot of self-restraint to concentrate
and focus on just one activity. Very bad.

This morning, I did my quiet time for almost an hour and drilled my drumming strokes for another 2 hours. This is major, man. Ha.

QT (Lord, only You can change me by Kay Arthur) was about being meek, and I read this beautiful psalm and I want to share it with you guys.

Psalm 37:1-17

1 Do not fret because of evil men
or be envious of those who do wrong;

2 for like the grass they will soon wither,
like green plants they will soon die away.

3 Trust in the LORD and do good;
dwell in the land and enjoy safe pasture.

4 Delight yourself in the LORD
and he will give you the desires of your heart.

5 Commit your way to the LORD;
trust in him and he will do this:

6 He will make your righteousness shine like the dawn,
the justice of your cause like the noonday sun.

7 Be still before the LORD and wait patiently for him;
do not fret when men succeed in their ways,
when they carry out their wicked schemes.

8 Refrain from anger and turn from wrath;
do not fret—it leads only to evil.

9 For evil men will be cut off,
but those who hope in the LORD will inherit the land.

10 A little while, and the wicked will be no more;
though you look for them, they will not be found.

11 But the meek will inherit the land
and enjoy great peace.

12 The wicked plot against the righteous
and gnash their teeth at them;

13 but the Lord laughs at the wicked,
for he knows their day is coming.

14 The wicked draw the sword
and bend the bow
to bring down the poor and needy,
to slay those whose ways are upright.

15 But their swords will pierce their own hearts,
and their bows will be broken.

16 Better the little that the righteous have
than the wealth of many wicked;

17 for the power of the wicked will be broken,
but the LORD upholds the righteous.

Meekness is not apathy! Being meek is anger under control. Many may think that being angry is a sin, but no - Ephesians 4:26-27 says that "Be angry, and yet do not sin; do not let the sun go down on your anger, and do not give the devil an opportunity."

It is what you get angry over which determines the sin, say, you get angry that you did not have the chance to punch a person. Your anger should be that of righteous anger at what is wrongly done to others. Meekness trusts and seeks God, commits its way to the Lord, rests and waits upon Him and is confident of the gain of a glorious inheritance in God.

The meek turn the other cheek (pardon the cheesy pun), love their enemies and pray for those who persecute them (Matthew 5:39,44). "Meekness can do this because it realises that the insults and injuries which evil men and women may inflict are permitted by God and will be used by Him to purify and build godly character." (Arthur, P.110)

This is what I've gleaned from it all - meekness breeds humility, a non-vengeful heart, forgiveness and compassion. It prerequisties the faith we have in our Father, and brings submission to His sovereignty.

Let His will and grace shine through our lives!

copywrite

All of a sudden, I feel stressed. Stressed to live up to the amount of effort certain people have put in to help me grab that slot.

Yet again, I feel so blessed, having had the help and encouragement of so many important personnel in the company. Well, it's left to be seen if this is going to be the route I'd be taking. 6 months, here I come.

---

Have you ever always 'known' something but never actually 'seeing' it per se?

Ministry service has always been bugging me ever since the year turned.
It was Sunday when I realised the essence of it, but do admonish me should this realisation emanate the inaccurate.

Serving in church is returning a portion of the gifts and blessings that God has given us. So how do you see where your gifts lie? Would God be satisfied with our service, should we be serving in areas even where our gifts are not in?

Here's the answer given me.

Yes, He would be.

You may have heard the meaning behind serving tens of times - the heart. Sincerity. Humility. Of course, it doesn't simply end here. The heart signifies how much you love God. It then means how deep a relationship you have with Him, and how much you are willing to give up in this world to follow His word. How much you yearn to serve Him and Him alone.

Then be it whether you know your gifting or not, this love that you have for Him will reflect in your serving and life and in turn, become a blessing unto others. This, too, is how I place the distinction between serving man and serving God.

But, some tell me, when I strive to do my best, I tend to lose focus of God.

This is inevitable. I experience it often too. But it is a gentle reminder that we are human. Weak, and easily distracted. That is why we need God.

Sunday was the first time I played the guitar (with my mediocre skills) for a worship session. I made a few mistakes. It was just a primary school worship session, wasn't it? But the earnesty and innocence in the kids' voices reminded me that there is no such thing as 'just' a session - God still looks at the heart that lies within and judges.

Then service worship came. It was the first one I'd played at for ages. Just as the service started, I suddenly felt a thirst to show off my now-improved playing. To prove that the break I took was justified. I was back, and better than before.

No. I silenced the thoughts in my head, thoroughly ashamed, and I prayed for mercy and forgiveness for these abject thoughts which had crept in. Pride; I just lost focus of God. After praying hard in my heart, I felt so much calmer.

I was told afterwards - the music blessed. I felt blessed in return, too.

How have you blessed others today?

PLUG!

Details (click in case its too small): *Scape is at the open space behind Cineleisure. 1-7pm. 21st January, Saturday. Stall 5A, payment in cash only. Proudly brought to you by my ex-colleague Sam and her friend ;)

mosaic

Anyone wants to catch the Mosaic Festival with me??
I wanna watch the king of Funk, Maceo Parker!

Which led me to wonder:

Isn't it quite true that mostly the well-off can fully indulge in the arts?
It seems to work this way in many other things as well, for that matter.

But let's talk about music, monetary-wise.

If you can afford it, you can be able to take lessons and get the best teachers around. Which doesn't come cheap. If you can afford it, you can be able to buy the best gear for music. Which doesn't come cheap. If you can afford it, you can enhance your playing triple-fold. Which never (if not, seldom) comes cheap.

(I shall not fail to mention here that going for concerts to appreciate other musicians' talents do cost some good money too.)

Which is what most musicians hope to strive for - perfection. Hence comes that 'struggling musician' term. No money, no talk. Blase as it sounds, I sincerely do not doubt the existence of movie-esque characters of raggedy-dressed guitarists in a street corner playing for pennies.

Did I just mention the legal tender?

.
.
Of course, self-discipline and practise definitely constitute for a greater part of the 'indulgence'.

I think of it this way - where your money is, where your heart does tend to lie. It may sound very superficial, but I don't think I'm too wrong to say that money has become a monolith of sorts in today's society. Don't tell me it doesn't feel good to play on a good instrument, or after investing all your pocket money or earnings on an instrument, you keep it in a corner to look at it grow cobwebs.

So what if there's a passion? It's hard to develop passions without the cash on hand. How'd you discover the passion or talent whatsoever if you can't afford to try it to begin with?

Luck. You are born into a well-off family which can afford to give you the best possible, or you get scouted while humming on a train.

Chance. You play for a club and get handpicked for further auditions.

Divine intervention. Lightning strikes the winners of a competition and you, in second place, take their position.

God's will. You should know what I'm trying to drive at by now.

Those who beg to differ must have surely succeeded in their quest of music. Wait. How'd you define 'success', much less achieve it?

I don't know. Each to his own, I guess, be it in terms of publicity, self-gratification or musicianship.

The debate can go on and on. I know that full well.

But in all seriousness (I realise that I have to come to a conclusion),
I say- call it what you want, then, cherish it.


Ahh, now back to my fishbone soup.

Laundry

My living room looks like it can open some clothes shop.
All the clothes can't dry because of the rain, and I think there's another batch
waiting for the wash. Bleargh.

Wen left on Tues, leaving me with 2 more books. :(
He taught me plenty during the 2 months, and he has given me enough stuff go nuts trying to master them. I'll be busy for a pretty substantial amount of time. Too bad I fell sick last week, 'cos little did I know that the last lesson (plus lunch and talk) would have been, well, the last. Well, I shall keep to my word I gave him. (: Don't think he'll read this but - all the best, bro!

Jamming has been good. But the last session was pretty bad to me 'cos I just recovered. Sticks flew twice, how embarrassing. Hahaha. I wanna be able to do The Mars Volta too! Okay I'm intimidated and impressed by their music and drumming AND I don't want to be left seated on the couch quietly watching Adam and Bonk when they start Mars Volta-ing. See how lah, heh.

The bad bout of flu has quite crippled my system. I feel exhausted quite easily and still am coughing phlegm phelgm phelgm. Eww. Must exercise!

Also, nothing beats catching up over a nice, steaming hot tea with a friend close to my heart. ;) Got loads more people to catch up with. I like my life now. No bugs, not much worries, school takes a backseat. I'm just taking everyday a step at a time with my God.


Alright, this post is getting nowhere.

I just realised - its Friday the 13th!

Alright, this post is still getting nowhere.

Piteous,
how piteous.

acrid

I wanna be a Masscommie

( Photo taken at FMS Office lift landing. The words in black read: redundancy )

Have I ever mentioned how much I detest this semester?

If only I could turn back time.

re(coop)erate

It's only after being cooped up at home for a week
and feeling like a vampire everytime my head sees the sun
that I appreciate being able to laugh,
talk as much as I can when I'm 100% healthy
and...

eat.

All things fatty, oily and spicy, I'm coming after you when I'm done purging these yellow viscous-y stuff from my lungs. I cannot tahan already.

The weather has been pretty unkind ("like a tap" - mom). Everytime I try to set foot out of my house, it rains. When I needed most to sweat to remove the numerous heat energies fighting it out in my body and remove the blocked from my blocked ears and nose, the nice little sky starts to weep.

And that was exactly what I wanted to do when I realised that Feat Outline II was due the next day. Basketballsandrosieposies. My head was spinning (because of the medicine lah) as I emailed Rara for an extension.

Eve comforted me, saying that someone managed to get an extension because of an operation.

I didn't have no op. Neither do I want one.

So I tried to do as much of the outline as I could, and dearest old Rara gave me till Monday just before I decided (on heroics) to dash out of the house on my wobbly two legs and slightly deflated butt boohoo for M-you-have-low-attendance-R-warning-letter-M. It poured.

So I went back to sleep, lor.

Last Night

I dreamt that I was given a $14K drumset for my birthday.

Dream on.... :(

I shivered for a good three hours under 2 blankets, and right now my head is doing
a Harry Potter, and my bones are aching madly. I feel like an 80-year-old.

So much for the 'first week' of the term.

Have I ever mentioned that I don't believe in Western general practitioners?

One medicine feeds all. Read: Paracetamol (commonly known as panadol).

All that just for a stupid western MC (TCM ones not accepted, sorry) which I ended up having to extend another 2 days (I'm sure western medicine cures in a day) after I realised the next day that my temperature was not far off from a stock market's activities.

Gimme a good ol' Sinseh, anytime.

38.7

I'm still feverish and on the verge(s) of puking,
though I'd already puked my $4.90 soup-of-the-day and $3 mee sua out.
May not be in school tomorrow,
so please email me or sms me to update on stuff.

Thanks!

This is what

A 3-day camp, bad joints, weird sleeping times (sleeping at 2am and waking up at 6am on a NON-SCHOOL DAY), 5 BBQs in a week, sick siblings and a chilly last night do to you.

37.8 degrees on the second day of 2006.
How sweet.

NY

2005 has blown past - with quite a few lessons in hand
this time round. More than any in my 18 shoddy years.

It is most interesting to see how God has worked 2005 out for me.
The year with the most changes in my life,
the year with the most drastic choices I've made.

Sometimes it's hard figuring out who your real friends are. I've lost a few, gained a few, and learned a lot. - Chris

Betrayal and disappointment had been rife, but I'm way past it.

My life used to revolve around too few; then I was thrown out of my comfort zone and forced to swim in waters I never knew existed. And this I reluctantly did - and found more wonderful people out there, and especially one person whom has proved to be for life. Thank you, ECYY. (:

Financial issues in the family held us together stronger than before, and I thank God that I have a fantastic family and that God has pulled us through this obstacle. I was totally against my dad doing a LAN business. But my apprehension has since dispelled with Him in control of things. It's quite cool actually, that I have gotten to know more of the church youths better through gaming, heh.

Also, I've had 2 great internships in DDB, which has pretty much confirmed what I'd like to be doing in future. Alex has been a gem in guiding and encouraging me in my copywriting stint, and so have Alan and Jimmy for Account handling and the rest for the soccer games. Not to forget Sam whom I'm still keeping in touch with ;) God has also been visibly working His ways during my internship. It's amazing to see how He has helped me throughout.

So.. What else has changed? Hmm. My musical influences, especially since Dave Matthews Band was re-introduced to me by Ian, has never failed to keep my drumming passion burning. Three bands and finally doing something about my want to improve myself with a bit of lessons.

The YF ministry has grown yet again this year, and I'm proud to bear witness of this from the youths. I may not be able to serve as much as I want to this year due to my 6-month attachment, but no one is indispensible. God's will shall manifest. Let's keep praying for a spiritually strong ministry. Of course, I will also keep my serving passion aflame for God. I may not have to be doing music outright but I will do what I can to guide the upcoming drummers.

I'm proud to say that I've achieved certain objectives set, especially for that part of settling my heart. It's been 2 tough years and I thank God for pulling me through, and having a close walk with Him with the guidance of the cellgroup mates whom have stuck by me through thick and thin.

2006 is in Your hands, Father.

I will praise you, O Lord my God, with all my heart;
I will glorify your name forever. - Psalm 86:12

Soli Deo Gloria!

Goodbye, 2005.